After my husband and I got married, we decided we wanted to wait a little bit before having kids. We were both focused on our careers and having fun together. A year after that, it hit me. I realized I always thought that having a baby would “end” my life. And in a way, it’s true. Your life as you know it becomes an old blurry memory, and everything suddenly changes forever. It’s a big shock.
But one day I found myself feeling like my life didn’t even start. That’s when I knew I was ready for the next stage. I understood right away that I wouldn’t get more ready than that, and I preferred not to wait until the clock starts to get impatient. After all, I was already 35, but having started my life again in a new country at 31, for me, It was just the beginning.
I was terrified of losing my independence anyway, but the thought of a little one who’s ours, started to melt my heart. I had never dreamt about my kids like that before, I guess I was more focused on getting the partner. And it was worth the wait.
About three months later, my boobs hurt and I was trying to remember when my last period was. I started to remember the nausea I had the day before, the fact that the dog was peeing inside, and that I was not tempted by sweets, in fact I found myself rejecting them. That wasn’t entirely me! So, just in case, I bought a home pregnancy test. I needed to be sure I could drink wine because we were about to fly to our (so late!) honeymoon.
I was so, but so naïve I waited until next morning to test! Being two weeks late! :) I gave my husband the camera and asked him to film when I come back with the test, ready for the most excruciating five-minute-wait ever. I was so inexperienced in the TTC (Trying To Conceive) game, I didn’t even know I had to pee in a cup. I just sat on the toilet, and started peeing on that thing.
So I remember holding the stick trying to catch it (It wasn’t that easy) and suddenly two strong lines appeared. What a shocker. I didn’t even finish my pee, so I started yelling at my husband, who was standing on the other side of the door. He got confused “what’s wrong, are you okay?” and I’m like “start filming! I thought we were supposed to wait!” Then I came out of the bathroom with the little stick and we both hugged and cried, and laughed, we were so shocked! Like, how did THAT happen? Well we know how that happened, but still…
I remember the feeling after finding out, I took the dog for a walk and I wanted to tell everybody in the street that I was pregnant. I was dreaming. We had our trip to Italy, and after we got back, a first ultrasound showed a heartbeat, baby was measuring exactly as I managed to calculate, and our lives were great.
I’ll never forget the joy, the illusion, the amazement about what my body can do. Although I felt like crap most of the day, I was so happy. I was also, very naïve. Oh, how I would miss being naïve.
Our daughter Lia came into the world on January 12, 2016. It was a “live” gender reveal, since we didn’t want to find out before the birth. A big surprise, as I was sure I was having a boy. She’s so perfect.